My sweet babies.

My sweet baby Taylor made his/her homegoing today. It was awful, but it always is. I tried to keep myself busy today to keep my mind off of the sadness and pain. It really didn't work too much. With ever step, deep breath, sneeze, cough, and laugh(those were few) I could feel the pain and it would remind me of just what was happening. I tried not to lose it but I did several times.

When we had our first miscarriage someone suggested that we give our sweet baby a name. It didn't make things better by any stretch of the imagination, but it did help with the grieving process. We gave them unisex names since we weren't far enough along to know the sex. So we now have three sweet babies that one day I will get to see in Heaven.

Dakota Ray whose birthday/homegoing was March 03, 2005. This was our first miscarriage and our first pregnancy.

Peyton Kelly whose birthday/homegoing was August 19, 2005. This was our second miscarriage and our second pregnancy.

and finally

Taylor Lynn whose birthday/homecoming was today October 3, 2009. This was my third miscarriage and our fourth pregnancy.

I know that this is a hard process since I have been through this several times. I am trying to keep my eyes on God because I know that He is with me and all things are done for His purpose. I am having a super hard time keeping it together right now and no one will ever know my inner struggles (expect God). I just hope that soon I can start to feel whole again, or at least be able to think clearly.

Angel babies...... :(

Most everyone, including most of our family didn't even know I was pregnant. It was a joy that Mike and I had for the most part kept to ourselves. We had miscarried twice before and were a little gun shy. We found out we were pregnant last Friday which was Sept 25. We lept for joy! We were so excited. The doctor did blood work to look at my HCG level. It was low but they asked me to come in on monday. I went on Monday and the level rose but did not double as it was supposed to. They asked me to come in today for another check and the level dropped to 6 which is 1 number away from the non pregnant level. I am devastated. This makes three miscarriages. The nurse told me that because I was so early (about 5 1/2 weeks) that my body should naturally expel the baby and that I would not need a DNC.
I am having a really hard time holding it together this time. Please pray for our family that we will keep our focus on God and be able to heal.